Look, I realize there were some minor issues back in 2018 when I purchased five dozen pairs of Nike sneakers and burned them in my backyard to protest the company featuring Colin Kaepernick in an ad. What harm am I causing, aside from one stray bullet lightly grazing Ms. I and my fellow truth-tellers took time away from our important crusade against the horrors of liberal cancel culture to encourage others to never, ever drink Bud Light again. I dare any of you to name a more noble quest than protesting a company by purchasing and then destroying its products while drawing vast, unpaid national attention to its brand.īut despite the righteousness of shooting several dozen cans of beer I had just paid for, all I hear from you neighbors are complaints. While none of you so-called Americans in the neighborhood joined me in my battle against creeping wokeness, many high-profile conservatives did, including country music star Travis Tritt, who banned all Anheuser-Busch products from his tour, and GOP presidential candidate Vivek Ramaswamy, who called it “the worst kind of woke capitalism.”įormer professional baseball player Aubrey Huff tweeted: “My God how dumb you have to be Can’t wait to see the next quarter sales. If this act of responsible protest offended your delicate sensibilities, I’ll be happy to loan you my “Liberal Tears” mug.
It was clear from that moment that I too, as a patriot, needed to purchase several cases of Bud Light and then destroy them with the same type of firearm used in most mass shootings.
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